The Embers: Part 5/5
Trigger warning: Anxiety, Panic .. again..
It started with a whisper.
Not the kind you lean into at a dinner party, intrigued and amused. No, this was a whisper laced with dread, a premonition that sent a shockwave through my body: It’s happening now.
Panic has a way of making itself at home in my nervous system, always arriving when I’m finally alone, when my kids are safe, when the to-do list has been put to bed. My brain is so polite that way. Handling business when it’s go-go-go and then completely unraveling when there’s nothing left to give.
November 2024 hit like a wrecking ball. I was burned out from running on every cylinder imaginable: a day job, a night job, a weekend job, three kids under seven, and a partner traveling for work. Fourth quarter is no joke for a small business owner. It’s the Super Bowl of don’t you dare slow down, the marathon where rest is a liability. I knew my limits, but I also knew how to bust through them. A generational superpower, woven into my DNA by the divine feminine. But pushing past limits and actually listening to myself? That’s a different story. And so, my body did what it does best when ignored; it demanded attention in the form of one of the darkest panic episodes I’ve had in almost a decade.
What followed was a fog. A deep, unsettling disconnect between my mind and body. Nothing felt safe again: not my home, not my routine, not even my own breath. The days passed, and I functioned, hell, I probably was smiling through it. It took a new wellness plan, new meds, more therapy, more yoga, and an expanded support team to begin the climb back.
But here’s what I know: I am not alone in this.
The women before me, the writers before me, the mothers, the thinkers, the feelers; they have all held up their stories like lanterns in the dark. I have clung to those lights, letting their words remind me that healing is possible.
So, when my birthday rolled around at the end of November, I made a choice.
No celebrations. No gifts. No public declarations. The thought of love and generosity directed at me felt unbearable. What I craved instead was nothingness. No humans. No responsibilities. No one’s emergency contact. Just 48 hours of uninterrupted silence.
The season didn’t quite allow for my solitude retreat to happen then. But will a little bit of hope and a lot of patience.. I am writing to you from that place of stillness. From the safety that I am only responsible for myself for a total of 48 glorious hours. It’s February, I’m sitting by a window, looking out at the woods, completely alone. No tiny voices calling my name and ..minimal.. emails demanding attention. No urgent needs, except my own. I am free.
I know how to bring myself back to joy. I know how to write myself home.
This is my season. I’ve quit the jobs that drained me. My business is set up to work for me. My kids are thriving in their own ways, becoming more independent, more confident, more them. My partner is growing his fourth-generation family business, making an impact in his community and has carved his own space of belonging in our neighborhood. And I am growing a creative portfolio getting paid to do what I love outside of Together Textiles. Which feels incredible. And most importantly, I am protecting my peace.
I have spent so much of my life giving and doing and birthing and building and hustling. Now, I am learning the art of being. And when I am full, I love better. I create better. I show up better.
So, if you’re quiet.. really quiet.. what is your whisper saying?
This year, I challenge you to listen to her more.
She knows exactly what you need.
Threads of fate
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Threads of fate 〰️
Threads of Fate, Woven Into Every Stitch
Just like our love story, every piece at Together Textiles is made with deep connection and intention.
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About Together Textiles:
Cozy, sustainable, and versatile, Together Textiles designs robes and towels traditionally woven on looms in Turkey using the same techniques passed down four generations. Purchasing from Together Textiles means you are supporting an ancient craft, along with a budding family of five who loves connecting with the local communities while splitting time between Türkiye and our studio in Ohio. Follow the family business journey on Instagram @togethertextiles or read the blog togethertextiles.com/blog.
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